PERCEPTION AND ANGER
How can we educate ourselves on how to change a belief, or how to feel differently about an event or stop our judgmental thoughts?
Being able to reframe or dispute our thinking from a different perspective and modify our thought process is based on what we think or tell ourselves about an event and not the event. People or situations do not make us angry…it’s thinking angrily about the things that happen.
What we think or tell ourselves about an event makes us angry…not the event itself!
When we judge or evaluate something or someone as negative, our responses and behaviors reflect our reactions in a defensive way.
The same is in reverse…Evaluate the situation in a more positive way, and the response becomes less upsetting and can help us reduce anger and the need to control.
The best way to begin is by becoming more aware of the triggering thoughts and consequences of your anger.
The following are some suggestions to help you understand your anger and lessen the chances of angry outbursts:
• Identify your upsetting feelings. Ask yourself, “What did I feel first?” and know that this is a signal that you are telling yourself upsetting things. This means being more “aware” of what you feel. Remember, anger is a secondary emotion. We always feel something else first, even if we are not immediately aware of it.
• Identify your upsetting thoughts. Ask yourself, “Why do I have to get my way”. “Why should others think the same way I do?” Question your upsetting thoughts.
• Reframe your upsetting thoughts with a positive self-message. Perhaps a positive message to take the place of a self-centered, demanding thought. Hear yourself say, “Is there a more helpful way I can look at this situation?” Reframing is changing the way you perceive an event.
• Be aware of your options and make a mental list of the constructive actions you can take to resolve the problem situation.
• If you are not sure of how you perceive the problem situation, Take a Time Out! Disengage yourself from the situation and say, “I want to think about what just happened before I say something I might regret”. Temporarily remove yourself from the situation, which will give you the opportunity to think through what is happening. Then decide ways of resolving the situation in a manner that does not lead to aggression or violent words and actions.
For more information on this subject and Anger Management Services contact:
Karen Golob, CAMF, CCDC
Anger Management Services
http://www.anger411.com
310-276-1342
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Saturday, September 15, 2007
PERCEPTION AND RESULTANT ANGER
HOW DOES YOUR PERCEPTION RESULT IN ANGER?
How can we educate ourselves on how to change a belief, or how to feel differently about an event or stop our judgmental thoughts?
Being able to reframe or dispute our thinking from a different perspective and modify our thought process is based on what we think or tell ourselves about an event and not the event. People or situations do not make us angry…it’s thinking angrily about the things that happen.
What we think or tell ourselves about an event makes us angry…not the event itself!
When we judge or evaluate something or someone as negative, our responses and behaviors reflect our reactions in a defensive way.
The same is in reverse…Evaluate the situation in a more positive way, and the response becomes less upsetting and can help us reduce anger and the need to control.
The best way to begin is by becoming more aware of the triggering thoughts and consequences of your anger.
The following are some suggestions to help you understand your anger and lessen the chances of angry outbursts.
• Identify your upsetting feelings. Ask yourself, “What did I feel first?” and know that this is a signal that you are telling yourself upsetting things. This means being more “aware” of what you feel. Remember, anger is a secondary emotion. We always feel something else first, even if we are not immediately aware of it.
• Identify your upsetting thoughts. Ask yourself, “Why do I have to get my way”. “Why should others think the same way I do?” Question your upsetting thoughts.
• Reframe your upsetting thoughts with a positive self-message. Perhaps a positive message to take the place of a self-centered, demanding thought. Hear yourself say, “Is there a more helpful way I can look at this situation?” Reframing is changing the way you perceive an event. Change the meaning and the response and behavior change, also.
• Be aware of your options and make a mental list of the constructive actions you can take to resolve the problem situation.
• If you are not sure of how you perceive the problem situation, Take a Time Out! Disengage yourself from the situation and say, “I want to think about what just happened before I say something I might regret”. Temporarily remove yourself from the situation, which will give you the opportunity to think through what is happening. Then decide ways of resolving the situation in a manner that does not lead to aggression or violent words and actions.
Karen Golob, Director
Anger Management Services
PALM SPRINGS/PALM DESERT AREAS
http://www.anger411.com
How can we educate ourselves on how to change a belief, or how to feel differently about an event or stop our judgmental thoughts?
Being able to reframe or dispute our thinking from a different perspective and modify our thought process is based on what we think or tell ourselves about an event and not the event. People or situations do not make us angry…it’s thinking angrily about the things that happen.
What we think or tell ourselves about an event makes us angry…not the event itself!
When we judge or evaluate something or someone as negative, our responses and behaviors reflect our reactions in a defensive way.
The same is in reverse…Evaluate the situation in a more positive way, and the response becomes less upsetting and can help us reduce anger and the need to control.
The best way to begin is by becoming more aware of the triggering thoughts and consequences of your anger.
The following are some suggestions to help you understand your anger and lessen the chances of angry outbursts.
• Identify your upsetting feelings. Ask yourself, “What did I feel first?” and know that this is a signal that you are telling yourself upsetting things. This means being more “aware” of what you feel. Remember, anger is a secondary emotion. We always feel something else first, even if we are not immediately aware of it.
• Identify your upsetting thoughts. Ask yourself, “Why do I have to get my way”. “Why should others think the same way I do?” Question your upsetting thoughts.
• Reframe your upsetting thoughts with a positive self-message. Perhaps a positive message to take the place of a self-centered, demanding thought. Hear yourself say, “Is there a more helpful way I can look at this situation?” Reframing is changing the way you perceive an event. Change the meaning and the response and behavior change, also.
• Be aware of your options and make a mental list of the constructive actions you can take to resolve the problem situation.
• If you are not sure of how you perceive the problem situation, Take a Time Out! Disengage yourself from the situation and say, “I want to think about what just happened before I say something I might regret”. Temporarily remove yourself from the situation, which will give you the opportunity to think through what is happening. Then decide ways of resolving the situation in a manner that does not lead to aggression or violent words and actions.
Karen Golob, Director
Anger Management Services
PALM SPRINGS/PALM DESERT AREAS
http://www.anger411.com
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Alec Baldwin has developed a "Toe Nail Syndrome"
ALEC BALDWIN HAS A "TOE NAIL SYNDROME"
It's a known fact that the overload of stress leads to road rage, work rage, domestic aggression (verbal and physical) and frustration.
In most cases, where the anger is has been directed, is not the true source of the problem.
I CALL THIS "THE TOE NAIL SYNDROME"
For Example;
A couple is lying in bed at night. By accident (he or she) brushes her toe nail on the leg of her partner. Her partner lunges up in bed and starts screaming and using profanity directed at her. He's blaming her for his unhappiness at work and general frustration with his life. She is stunned! She asks herself, "What have I done to create such "rage" in my partner?Surely, it cannot be just a scratch from my toe nail?" The truth is that he has displaced and compounded his unresolved anger, stress and unhappiness and placed it in a toe nail scratch.
A couple is lying in bed at night. By accident (he or she) brushes her toe nail on the leg of her partner. Her partner lunges up in bed and starts screaming and using profanity directed at her. He's blaming her for his unhappiness at work and general frustration with his life. She is stunned! She asks herself, "What have I done to create such "rage" in my partner?Surely, it cannot be just a scratch from my toe nail?" The truth is that he has displaced and compounded his unresolved anger, stress and unhappiness and placed it in a toe nail scratch.
This exact situation of ranting and inappropriate raging is a perfect example of the way Alec Baldwin directed his "Toe Nail Syndrome" towards his daughter. According to news reports, his temper has been a problem in the past; and, because he has not addressed his lack of "emotional intelligence" and anger management skills, we will see it again and again in his personal life.
To help develop ways in which to address "Toe Nail Syndromes" that trigger volatile behaviors, Anger Management Services can help
A
Friday, March 23, 2007
Anger Management Services listed in top 10 in United States
I AM PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THAT "ANGER MANAGEMENT SERVICES" HAS BEEN LISTED AS ONE OF THE TOP 10 PROVIDERS IN THE UNITED STATES - FOR THE FIRST QUARTER OF 2007
Friday, March 2, 2007
MANAGING RESISTANCE IN EXECUTIVE COACHING CLIENTS
EXECUTIVE COACHING – RESPONSE AND INTERVENTION
The Executive Vice President of a large corporation in Los Angeles contacted me seeking assistance with a valuable staff member who was exhibiting an aggressive edge that was causing tension at their workplace.
According to the information I was given, this employee had no idea that her colleagues felt she was addressing them with a defensive attitude and unpleasant inappropriate/angry comments.
It has been my experience that in working with this type of referral, the identified client must be handled sensitively with discretion and honesty when explaining why he or she is being directed to Executive Coaching by his/her employer.
Clients in this category are generally resistant to change and tend to perceive their referral to Executive Coaching with a degree of suspicion. I cannot stress enough the importance of honesty in explaining to the referred client that Executive Coaching is not psychotherapy or counseling. Rather it is an individual tutoring program based on the client’s personal scores that are a result of an assessment that is given at the beginning of the Program. This assessment measures the areas in which each person can improve interactions, measure performance in stress management and communication, increase emotional intelligence (EQ), and address anger management, as well as assess the client’s motivation to make changes in his/her life.
Further explanation to the program emphasizes that this is a one-to-one session, all information remains confidential; and, no one from his/her workplace can access information regarding their progress. This information will reduce tension on the client’s part and assure his/her attendance at the first session and subsequent sessions. I provide flexible hours to accommodate obligations and anonymity. Sessions are by appointment only.
It is a mistake for the referring party to mislead their employee into thinking that Executive Coaching is for those people who have job skills, but need help with business etiquette. Executive Coaching does not address etiquette and I do not profess to be “Emily Post.”
This program is also available as an in-service seminar and workplace presentation, which will provide tools and skills that address working with individuals when disruptive interactions are occurring.
Karen Golob, CCDC,CAMF, CH
Anger Management Services
www.anger411.com
www.anger411.com
email: info@anger411.com
The Executive Vice President of a large corporation in Los Angeles contacted me seeking assistance with a valuable staff member who was exhibiting an aggressive edge that was causing tension at their workplace.
According to the information I was given, this employee had no idea that her colleagues felt she was addressing them with a defensive attitude and unpleasant inappropriate/angry comments.
It has been my experience that in working with this type of referral, the identified client must be handled sensitively with discretion and honesty when explaining why he or she is being directed to Executive Coaching by his/her employer.
Clients in this category are generally resistant to change and tend to perceive their referral to Executive Coaching with a degree of suspicion. I cannot stress enough the importance of honesty in explaining to the referred client that Executive Coaching is not psychotherapy or counseling. Rather it is an individual tutoring program based on the client’s personal scores that are a result of an assessment that is given at the beginning of the Program. This assessment measures the areas in which each person can improve interactions, measure performance in stress management and communication, increase emotional intelligence (EQ), and address anger management, as well as assess the client’s motivation to make changes in his/her life.
Further explanation to the program emphasizes that this is a one-to-one session, all information remains confidential; and, no one from his/her workplace can access information regarding their progress. This information will reduce tension on the client’s part and assure his/her attendance at the first session and subsequent sessions. I provide flexible hours to accommodate obligations and anonymity. Sessions are by appointment only.
It is a mistake for the referring party to mislead their employee into thinking that Executive Coaching is for those people who have job skills, but need help with business etiquette. Executive Coaching does not address etiquette and I do not profess to be “Emily Post.”
This program is also available as an in-service seminar and workplace presentation, which will provide tools and skills that address working with individuals when disruptive interactions are occurring.
Karen Golob, CCDC,CAMF, CH
Anger Management Services
www.anger411.com
www.anger411.com
email: info@anger411.com
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EQ) AND THE MILLENNIAL GENERATION (GEN Y)
GEN Y’S EGO TRIP TAKES A BAD TURN
In the California section of the Los Angeles Times newspaper (Tuesday, February 27, 2007), there appears an article regarding a new report suggesting that an overdose of self-esteem in college students could mean a rough road ahead.
According to a new study led by a San Diego State University psychologist, titled “Egos Inflating over Time”, researchers warn that a rising ego rush could cause personal and social problems for the Millennial Generation, also called Gen Y. People with an inflated sense of self tend to have less interest in emotionally intimate bonds and can lash out when rejected or insulted. Jean Twenge, an associate professor at San Diego State and lead author of the report, stated, “I’m concerned we are heading to a society where people are going to treat each other badly, either on the street or in relationships.”
The Narcissistic Personality Inventory asks students to react to such statements as: “If I ruled the world, it would be a better place”, “I think I am a special person”, and “I like to be the center of attention”. The study found that almost two-thirds of recent college students had narcissism scores that were above the average 1982 score. Thirty percent more college students showed elevated narcissism in 2006 than in 1982.
The Times article sited examples of inflated egos as: students who converse in the computer center while others are trying to concentrate, statements such as, “If you don’t have a me-first attitude, you won’t succeed” and self-centered attitudes from students who expect good grades simply for showing up at class.
How does Emotional Intelligence (EQ) fit into all of this? EQ is related to the ability to understand one’s own feelings and behavior as well as the capacity to sense the feelings and needs of others, and to utilize this information in a way that enhances interpersonal relationships. Empathy, compassion, cooperation and forgiveness are components of EQ. Without these emotions people cannot connect to each other. They become aggressive and pay no attention to the feelings of others; threaten others’ rights, violate or offend the rights of others and think only of themselves.
If, in fact, the Millennial Generation (Gen Y) has an inflated sense of self, tends to have less interest in emotionally intimate bonds and can lash out when rejected or insulted, eventually we could have a society in which narcissistic behavior is considered to be the norm.
Now….more than ever….it is important to recognize in those we love and care about whether or not they are exhibiting the “it’s all about me” attitude. Now is time to introduce into their lives a skill building program that assists in learning direct, honest, and appropriate expressions of thoughts, feelings and behaviors when dealing with others. This is a program that teaches one to be direct and honest in communicating with others without violating their rights.
Contact Anger Management Services for more information on this special skill building program that is customized, private, and confidential and fits the needs of each client.
Karen Golob, CCDC,CAMF,CH
Palm Desert, CA Call 310-276-1342 Coachella Valley Areas, CA
www.anger411.com
Contact us: info@anger411.com
In the California section of the Los Angeles Times newspaper (Tuesday, February 27, 2007), there appears an article regarding a new report suggesting that an overdose of self-esteem in college students could mean a rough road ahead.
According to a new study led by a San Diego State University psychologist, titled “Egos Inflating over Time”, researchers warn that a rising ego rush could cause personal and social problems for the Millennial Generation, also called Gen Y. People with an inflated sense of self tend to have less interest in emotionally intimate bonds and can lash out when rejected or insulted. Jean Twenge, an associate professor at San Diego State and lead author of the report, stated, “I’m concerned we are heading to a society where people are going to treat each other badly, either on the street or in relationships.”
The Narcissistic Personality Inventory asks students to react to such statements as: “If I ruled the world, it would be a better place”, “I think I am a special person”, and “I like to be the center of attention”. The study found that almost two-thirds of recent college students had narcissism scores that were above the average 1982 score. Thirty percent more college students showed elevated narcissism in 2006 than in 1982.
The Times article sited examples of inflated egos as: students who converse in the computer center while others are trying to concentrate, statements such as, “If you don’t have a me-first attitude, you won’t succeed” and self-centered attitudes from students who expect good grades simply for showing up at class.
How does Emotional Intelligence (EQ) fit into all of this? EQ is related to the ability to understand one’s own feelings and behavior as well as the capacity to sense the feelings and needs of others, and to utilize this information in a way that enhances interpersonal relationships. Empathy, compassion, cooperation and forgiveness are components of EQ. Without these emotions people cannot connect to each other. They become aggressive and pay no attention to the feelings of others; threaten others’ rights, violate or offend the rights of others and think only of themselves.
If, in fact, the Millennial Generation (Gen Y) has an inflated sense of self, tends to have less interest in emotionally intimate bonds and can lash out when rejected or insulted, eventually we could have a society in which narcissistic behavior is considered to be the norm.
Now….more than ever….it is important to recognize in those we love and care about whether or not they are exhibiting the “it’s all about me” attitude. Now is time to introduce into their lives a skill building program that assists in learning direct, honest, and appropriate expressions of thoughts, feelings and behaviors when dealing with others. This is a program that teaches one to be direct and honest in communicating with others without violating their rights.
Contact Anger Management Services for more information on this special skill building program that is customized, private, and confidential and fits the needs of each client.
Karen Golob, CCDC,CAMF,CH
Palm Desert, CA Call 310-276-1342 Coachella Valley Areas, CA
www.anger411.com
Contact us: info@anger411.com
Anderson & Anderson Has A Chance Meeting in Los Angeles
George Anderson (Anger Management and Executive Coaching Programs) wrote:
A Chance Meeting With a Very Special Provider
Today, I had the opportunity to meet briefly with Karen Golob. Karen has been a Certified Anderson & Anderson Provider for approximately seven years.
Karen is a petite, elegantly dressed grandmother who resonates with class. Today she wore a Jean Suit which I would describe as “rich casual". Early in her anger management career, Karen decided that she wanted to specialize in Executive Coaching rather than groups.
She is based in Beverly Hills and specializes in providing anger management to upscale residents of elite substance treatment facilities based in the Beverly Hills area.
Today, I had the opportunity to meet briefly with Karen Golob. Karen has been a Certified Anderson & Anderson Provider for approximately seven years.
Karen is a petite, elegantly dressed grandmother who resonates with class. Today she wore a Jean Suit which I would describe as “rich casual". Early in her anger management career, Karen decided that she wanted to specialize in Executive Coaching rather than groups.
She is based in Beverly Hills and specializes in providing anger management to upscale residents of elite substance treatment facilities based in the Beverly Hills area.
Karen is the best kept secret in Beverly Hills.
Anger Management Services, Karen Golob, CCDC, CAMF,
Anger Management Services, Karen Golob, CCDC, CAMF,
COACHELLA VALLEY, CA
Beverly Hills, 90210
310-276-1342 E-mail: info@anger411.com Website: www.anger411.com
Individual sessions only.
George Anderson,MSW,BCD,CAMF
02/25/07
George Anderson,MSW,BCD,CAMF
02/25/07
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